Inner Athlete

Today was one of those days.  You know those days.  When you wake up you realize you are cranky.  Nothing seems to be right.  You don't look right.  You don't feel right.  It isn't right.  Today was that day.  I looked in the mirror and decided to get dressed.  I was going to look nice.  I was going to wear my cute brown shorts with my cute pink top.  I put those on and looked in the mirror.  To what did my eyes see?  A belly roll over the top of my cute brown shorts.  I was mortified.  I am not that person.  I have been running regularly.  I have even included speed work into my runs.  What happened?  I instantly IMed my sister and told her the horrifying news.  We decided I probably need to do more than just run.  I needed to challenge myself.  As Sam went to bed, and I sat chewing on my self-pity, I went over to my parents house for lunch. 

I watched ESPN.  I watched women's soccer recaps, and I realized my inner athlete had been lost.  Before I left my parents house, my dad said something to me out of the blue.  He said, "sometimes in life you have to work for what you want and have."  As I drove home, I mulled over his comment.  He is right again (I hope he doesn't read this.).  When I was younger, I had to work to be a better softball player.  When I wanted to play outfield, I practiced constantly.  My dad would hit fly balls at me over and over again.  When he needed me to be a pitcher, I practiced pitching every day.  I didn't complain about it.  I did it.  I loved it.  I wanted to be an amazing athlete.  I wanted to be the best.  My drive to be the best I could be continued when I finally ended up being a catcher.  My dad told me to duck walk around the house to strengthen my legs.  I did.  During junior high and high school, I became a volleyball player.  I wasn't a stellar volleyball player.  I didn't just walk out there and become the stud needed to save the day.  I worked at it.  My coach needed someone to several consistently, so I practiced.  Endlessly practiced.  This drive resurfaced when I decided to become a runner.  I was not a runner.  I did not "look" like a runner.  I wanted to run a 5k, yet I couldn't walk a block.  I took one step at a time, and eventually I made it.  Naturally, I gravitated to challenging myself some more.  I have completed more 5Ks, 10Ks, and halves than I can count.  I have even run three marathons.  What did I want from this marathon?  I wanted a sub 5:30.  How am I going to achieve this goal?  Training, pushing the limits.  Yesterday was the first time I pushed myself.  I kicked up the speed work on the treadmill.  The work felt great.  I am not a speedster, so to get a better time I am going to have to work at it.  I am going to have to be the person I have been all my life.  The girl who worked hard.  I am that girl.  What does that girl look like?  She is the one giving it her all.  I am going to regain the athlete I lost when I settled for what my inner thoughts were telling me.  How can I be the person to push my children and my students when I am not willing to push myself?  I will regain the inner athlete.