The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

Today has been an emotional day. Not in a wierd I was crying all day and then happy kind of way, just wierd. I call it my emotional mind game. During lunch today I mentioned to Jeremy that I was going to use some of my birthday money to sign up for the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon. He told me to go ahead. I was totally jazzed. Of course, then I start thinking about whether I wanted to do it for sure. Ah, the mind games have begun. When we are driving back to Jeremy's work he asked me where I was going to stay. I told him I had talked to his brother, and he said I could stay there. Jeremy was silent for a little while. He mentioned that he was going to go down there with me. I thought great, he can be my cheerleading squad again. Which got me more excited. After a few more minutes of silence, he told me that he was going to do the marathon with me. We weren't going to run together because he was faster than me, but he was going to do it too. Yipppeee! I was totally jazzed. I can chase Jeremy down.

My job was to go home call Jay and sign up for the race. No problem! I was on cloud nine. I talked to Jay, and we are all set to crash at his house on race weekend (May 31st). I then signed us up for the race. Yippee!

By this point, I was watching Ellen and I really didn't want to miss the rest of the show (why didn't I tivo it? I really need to quit using a show as a procrastination tool.). Anyway. By the time Ellen was over, Laurie and Kyle would be at my house. Ok, I won't run until they leave and after the boys have had dinner. When Laurie left, I noticed how foggy it was outside. Ack! I don't want to run in this. I made dinner, and put off running for another hour. I was about to can it completely when I realized I would have to blog about not going on a training run. I really didn't want to be harassed because I talked myself out of a training run. With that, I asked Jeremy if it was ok for me to go for a run (my last ditch effort at getting out of the run). After he gave me the ok, I went to change. Conner wanted to go, but I really was not feeling the whole push him in the stroller tonight. It was taking mommy every effort to get out the door, so I could not get both of us out the door.

I thought my Garmin was going to die, and I would have been said. My garmin tells me how far to go and when to stop. Tonight, I needed garmy. He was my helper. My motivator. He was going to prevent me from having to tell the world I didn't go for a run. I started out running, and my legs felt surprisingly good. This was going to be a nice run. Only one part, I thought it was creapy because of the lack of lights so I ran a different way. I wanted to feel like people could see me. It made me feel safer in the fog at 8 o'clock at night. By the time, I finished my run I felt great. I love, and missed, being out there. I felt alive and in control. All that mental stuff would have prevented me from doing what I loved. It is a shame that my mind was in control for a few minutes. My heart though took over and I am thankful.

Tomorrow is a 5 mile tempo run. The plan is to go before Jeremy goes to work. Hopefully, this will work out because I don't know when else I will be able to go. I have a pretty packed day. I also weigh in tomorrow. It won't be completely pretty, but I am in control! Did you hear that mind? I am in control!