Realizations...

...last night while I was running I came to a few realizations. I have come a long way. When I started WW, I was totally embarrassed by my body. I would wear the ugliest, biggest clothes because I thought it would hide me. I got into the groove of looking cute when I got married until I ultimately was pregnant with Conner.

While pregnant with Conner, I ate the WW wagon and I realized that I restricted myself too much. Who thought? Of course that meant that I gained all plus five back. After I had Conner, I changed my outlook because I was worried about falling into the same trap. I was still not totally happy with myself because I wore pants while running. I finally upgraded to capris while running. You read that I right, I refused to wear shorts while running because I was fat.

Then I was pregnant with Brodie. I ran until I was 30 weeks pregnant, then I walked like crazy afterwards. I was actually in pretty descent shape. I was honestly proud of myself. Two weeks after having Brodie, I went for a run. It was a slow run, but I was ready. It honestly felt great. I ran in my capris because I had the "baby fat". As time went on, I started to appreciate my strength. My eating was not getting under control, ok it was under control but I whined a lot about it. I could work out with the best of them, and run many miles. Eighteen miles, then a half marathon, then a marathon six months after Brodie. Wow! I should be totally happy. I wasn't though because I thought I was "fat". Um, do I realize how strong I am? Nope! Then something happened. I am not sure what, when, where, or why, but it happened. I started wearing shorts while running. I thanked my body after a run because it powered me through.

My clothes were fitting me better than before. My hips aren't totally back to pre-Brodie, but they are getting there. I refuse to say, I had a baby therefore my hips will never be the same. Why does it have to be that way? If it was that way, why do models and actresses and athletes get to win the genetic lottery? You can't tell me they all had C-Sections, and awesome trainers. I have an awesome trainer...me! With that, I am going to thank myself each day for what I can accomplish, and I am going to stop with this belittling that I constantly do in my head.

I AM BEAUTIFUL!! I AM STRONG! I AM A MOMMY WITH A TON OF ENERGY! MY FOUR YEAR OLD WEARS OUT BEFORE ME, SO I AM STRONG!